comfort.

 

Ever wished that the clock stops ticking for a moment? That the violent current calms down for a second? It's a bit too much isn't it? 

It's funny how sometimes life feels too much for you, maybe not even made for you, it isn't waiting for you, as you try to catch your dispersed pieces and figure out your next move, or at least just fill your lungs with a deep breath, and kick out the angst out of them. So you keep running in a race that you never know how it started, where the ending line is, what the prize is, what are you running for even? 

But, we're all going to die aren't we? so what would it cost to take a little break? let's pause this race for a moment, take a walk, lay around, just exist ... Reflect, and remember what are we running from, gain some perspective.. 

An extensive exposure to the constant chaos of the outside world, the necessity to deal with the non ending stream of anxiety, heat, that is somehow cold, and mess drains your heart and soul, kills you slowly from the inside. But, it never gets better, does it? The mess will always be there, it never tidies up for some reason, the angst and anxiety will never end, and the race will still keep going, and everybody will keep running. 

So, we crave comfort then, we start our quest for a source of consistent warmth and security, something, or someone to run to when nothing seems about right anymore. We search for something that fills the cracks in our hearts, Kintsugi pottery style, a little cocoon where to hide and curl up, and disappear. Somewhere where we can never be hurt, or rushed, or be unsure of anything, just pure comfort and bliss; peace. 

And if this comfort is nowhere to be found in a person or in something, we romanticize a quiet life, and drown in art, in daydreaming and reflecting. You're left alone with your thoughts, shape them as you want, make them fit your requirements for comfort, no judgement, no doubts, you are your own master, you are who you are when no one is looking. 

But the screaming and the knocking from the outside keeps ascending, are you going to open the door? Or you'll keep ignoring it, hoping that it stops eventually. However, you don't know if it's ever going to stop, or if you're going to miss out if you never open the door, what a gut wrenching dilemma. 

We sought this comfort to protect ourselves and save our souls from dying, keep the little light left inside of us from dimming out. Therefore, taking the smallest risk becomes very costly, any unsure situation makes you crave comfort even more, makes you want to think and overthink less, and just back down eventually. 

So you stay in your comfort zone, your bubble, a very fragile one even  ...