Battle to exist.

As I'm standing behind my computer , staring at a blank page , waiting for the thousands of  thoughts in my head to stop quarreling , and give me a minute of clarity , just a minute to catch a breath , and have some perspective .

As I'm doubting my writing ability , and thinking ability ,and breathing ability ,and existing ability , the fire inside of me won't allow me to give up , my mind still lingers to words , still refuses to resign under the pressure of the million voices running through it . I guess , even tho I'm not good at what I do , even if a part of me is begging me to delete everything and just go to sleep , the other part is still insisting to pursue writing , to see where this goes , to figure out where I stand , and tidy up the mess troubling my mind . I'm just addicted to words , It is where I find my comfort , It is where i spill my guts and confront myself . This is my therapy and this is how I fight for myself .

We all battle for our lives in one way or another , we find rescue in words , poetry , music , art , books ... Anything .

Art is just mandatory at this point , our lives would be meaningless without it , it gives us hope , a voice , purpose , It's a string that keeps us hanging in there . It allows us to be unapologetically ourselves , explore our identity , and exist  at our own terms . It gives us the permission to dream... and without limits.

Dreams... We lay them on top of our pillows in our sleepless nights , we create this utopian world , build the most fragile bubble in it , and hide inside . We fantasize about a far future , and sometimes , about a past that never happened .

We marinate ourselves in hope , we sing this comforting lullaby , and keep telling to ourselves : Well , maybe tomorrow will be better. Hope is this string that pulls us away from total hollowness , it keeps us hanging on to life . Hope makes the hardest tasks worth doing , the most complicated people worth loving and the most miserable days worth living ; without hope , there wouldn't be any life , any reason , and any purpose . Without hope and our hopeless dreams , life would have ended millions of years ago . hope allows us to free ourselves from the chains of the past , and move forward , and survive .

As cliché and corny as  It may sound , but when there is life , there is hope .

And this is how we battle to survive.